I Am NOT Fat
by Heart Torn Out
Summary: So Dean's run into a little surprise and the first person he calls? Gabe. Which, turns out not to be that big of a mistake since it leads to hilarity and lovey-dovey-ness. So there. Love read and um.. love some more... DESTIEL! And Sabriel cuz I HAD to.


**Kept coming up blank with He's The Man so i decided to post this instead. I made cas prego last time, so now its Dean's turn to feel the um... love.**

**Dean: Hey!**

**Sam: Ugh. Dean would be a pissy prego.**

**Cas: Hey!**

**Gabe: On that note, so would Cas.**

**Eve: Can one of you just PLEASE have a baby already?**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. But it won't be like that forever. The zombie apoclalypse will come and Kripke will be forced to give me the rights to the hsow AND the actors.**

**Now READ!**

* * *

Dean stared at his naked body in the mirror, turning every which way. Maybe he was seeing things wrong or maybe it was the mirror…. Because his stomach could not be that big. Or round. Especially in the middle.

Maybe he had some demon type disease. He had been throwing up lately. Almost every morning now that he thought of it. And he had been pissy, although that may just be because Sam was such a bitch sometimes.

But no, Dean knew that something was seriously wrong.

He poked his stomach for the first time, realizing that it was pretty hard. Maybe it was a tumor? Sammy always said that he would die from all that junk he ate. And maybe not. He had half a mind to call his boyfriend down and ask him to check it out. Dean smirked at the label he had given Cas. Boyfriend. Not many people could boast that their boyfriend was an angel.

And man was he proud that he could. Because he really loved Cas, although he only ever told the angel himself when they were in bed together, in those private, passionate moments when he let his guard down and trusted Castiel to take care of him.

So if he could call anyone, he should be calling Castiel. But he was sure he could handle this. If anything, he was overreacting which seemed to be happening as of late, probably for the last two months. Then again, the last time he and Cas had had sex had been two months ago, so maybe he was just getting cranky on his dry streak. Because, no matter how many times Sam coughed 'man-whore' behind him, Dean was loyal when he was in a relationship. Especially this one, since this was the longest he had ever been in one (two years in three weeks) and the most serious he had ever been. Like marriage serious.

Or whatever it was that angels did.

So yeah, Dean could take care of this little problem. He'd call Castiel as a last resort. He'd hate to tear his angel away from work he believed in just to find out that yes, Dean _was_ fat.

"I'm not fat," he mumbled to himself, reaching over for his underwear and surprised at the fact that he might cry if Cas was the one to call him fat.

Which was _way_ too chick-ish if you asked him. Or anyone else.

He slipped into his underwear and then started slipping into his jeans when suddenly… _he felt something in his stomach move_.

Dean yelped, thankful that Sam was at the library right now. What the fuck had just happened? He poked his stomach again, then laid his hand flat against it. He put slight pressure and _there_, he felt it; something shifted _inside of him_.

Which is why Dean is suddenly panicking and running from one side of the bathroom to the other, to nervous to come out. What the hell was wrong with him? He couldn't ask Sammy, he might laugh of go all science nerd on him and he just couldn't deal with that. He was _not_ going to call Cas because, well, he didn't want his angel to see him like this. Bobby was out of the question. No way was he telling the older hunter that there was something moving inside him.

So all that was left was…

Dean put the brakes on in his mind. Crap, he was the only one Dean could call now. But he didn't want to! But he had to. Maybe this was his doing anyway.

So Dean grew a pair, put on a sweater and prayed with as much sarcasm as he could muster to Gabriel.

Seconds later, the flutter of wings was heard and Dean spun to see the archangel licking a lollypop at the moment. Of course, he choked on the sweet upon seeing Dean, making the hunter stop in his tracks.

"Oh my GOD," the archangel that was dating his brother gasped.

"What?" Dean asked. "What's wrong with me? What did you do to me?" It was nice that they could just get to the heart of the matter without having to go through the tedious process of explanation. It was nice to know angels.

Sometimes.

Gabriel snorted. "Me? I didn't do anything to you. On the contrary, that angelic boyfriend of yours is to blame for this recent fuck-up."

Dean gaped. "Cas put a living tumor inside of me?" _Why?_ went unasked but was implied.

But Gabriel just laughed. "Yeah. Sure. A living tumor. Nice to know that some humans can still relate to their own species like that."

Dean's head snapped up and his eyes widened at that. "What do you mean my own species? The _thing_ inside me is human?"

Gabriel could see that Dean was _not_ getting it so he decided to be an ass about it as usual. "Yeah. I'm pretty sure you guys call them _babies_, but I could be wrong."

And the look on Dean's face was worth choking on his lolly earlier.

"Excuse me?" the Winchester managed and Gabriel had to give him credit.

"You heard me. You've got a baby in there. So no, not entirely human. My mistake. Its other parent was an angel. Half human half angel baby then."

Dean blinked and then paled considerably. "Are you implying that I'm… that i'm _pregnant_?"

Gabriel smiled cheerfully and nodded. "Mmmm hmm. Exiting, isn't it? Oh! I get to be an uncle and so does Sam! Won't he be exited too? And Cas! Man he'll be-"

"NO!" Dean shouted, actually startling the archangel. "No telling Cas until we're sure this is what it is."

Gabriel gave him a dubious look. "Make sure, you say?" With that, he shoved Dean in the chest.

Dean let out a growl that turned into a whimper when he realized that his chest was pretty sore. What the hell? "What the Hell Gabe?"

The archangel smiled. "Did that hurt more than it should have?" He nodded. "That's because you're breasts are sore and sensitive. That's proof number one."

"Gabe-"

"And," he sniffed the air, "Judging by the way your bathroom smells like someone just got off a roller coaster, I take it you've been throwing up, yes?" At Dean's scowl he nodded. "That's morning sickness sunshine. Happens when you're body starts changing for the squirt that's taken stock up inside you. That's prrof number two."

"Yeah, but Gabe-"

"Also! By the fact that Sammy-boy is nowhere to be found, and the already known fact that you two are attached at the hip, you've been acting like a bitch lately and he's sick of you. Mood swings, girl friend. That's proof number three."

"But Gabe-"

"And you can feel the baby moving, you say? That's because its an angel's baby and it matures faster. I'm gonna say you have six months before the thing pops out."

"GABRIEL!" Dean exclaimed, his face going red. "_Shut_ _up!_"

Gabe's mouth clicked shut at the hunter's outburst. Truth was, all this proof was making Dean nervous and more afraid as it became apparent that Gabe may be right. "Shut up and let me think."

Gabriel finally realized that the hunter might be afraid of this and couldn't help but smile as Dean kept a hand on his stomach protectively as he paced. Instinct was kicking in already.

"Ok," he finally said. "So let's say this _is_ happening. What now? I tell Cas, 'Hey babe, I'm pregnant. Never mind that I'm a _man_ and don't have a _vagina_. Nah, that's all in the past. Angel mojo takes care of _that_.' No. So what I say we do, is we call Sam and we get his smart fivehead in here. You dig?"

Gabriel nodded, secretly proud that this human wasn't running from his little brother and instead was going to settle it out with his own their for support and advice.

"So, you want me to get Mr. Fivehead?" Gabe asked.

Dean nodded. "Yeah. Fine. Go."

The archangel couldn't help it, but this was his love's brother. And that was his niece/nephew. And his baby brother's boyfriend. "Are you sure? We could take the car, if you want to come."

Dean shook his head tiredly. "Nah, I'm exhausted. It's cool. And anyway, I should get used to sitting out since Cas'll probably be making me do that a lot." He laid down on his bed and let his eyes fall shut.

"See that? That's fatigue. That's proof number four," Gabriel whispered as he left, closing the door quietly behind him as Dean muttered, "Dick."

* * *

The next time Dean woke up, he felt someone watching him. Feeling his heart accelerate as the thought that Gabe may have gone against his wishes and told Cas, he sat up and opened his eyes fully.

It was only Sam.

"Oh my God Dean! You're gonna be a mom!" Sam exclaimed.

Dean scowled. "One, I'm gonna be a dad. Two, I might not even be pregnant. It might be a… thingy."

Sam smacked him upside the head. "No calling my niece/nephew a _thingy_."

"Sam-" Dean started until his brother brought up a paper bag and plopped it in his lap. "Dude, what _is_ this?"

"Open it," Sam said instead. "You want proof so bad, then go get some."

Dean made a face and then opened the bag. When he saw its contents he scowled at his brother again. "Dude, I'm not a-"

"A chick?" Gabriel completed. "You coulda fooled me."

"Just try it. If all else fails, we'll get Gabe to lay his magic hands on you," Sam said gently.

Dean mock-gagged. "Sammy! Don't make it sound like a sex move!" With that he went off to the bathroom, slamming the door.

"You think it'll work?" Sam asked his boyfriend.

Gabe shrugged. "I don't know. There's definitely a baby in there and Cas's grace is all over it. I don't know why you're brother's being-"

Gabe was cut off by a strangled scream coming from the bathroom. He and Sam shared a horrified look and then ran over in unison to bathroom only to have the door thrown open by Dean who was holding several home pregnancy tests.

All positive.

"Dude, how does that even work?" Dean asked, his voice all breathy, a hand resting on his abdomen, rubbing little circles into the skin.

Sam just smiled cheekily. "Told you so, new mom."

"Dad. I'm gonna be a dad," Dean said, more awe than aggravation.

"No," Gabe said. "Cas is. You're having the baby. Doesn't that make you the chick in the relationship?"

Dean scowled. "Whatever. Think what you want. Either way, guys this is really happening. This is _real_. Guys, I'm gonna have a baby! I'm so excited!"

"What are you excited about Dean?" came that familiar scraping gravel voice from behind the eldest Winchester. Gabe and Sam froze as Dean swallowed.

"He's behind me isn't he?" he asked and his brother and archangel nodded.

Dean slowly turned around but before he could say a word Castiel's face was contorted in surprise. "_Dean_…" he said in shock but not for the reason Dean thought.

Dean looked down at his slightly protruding belly and said, "Oh, you can tell already, huh? Well," he shrugged and smiled feebly. "Um… surprise Cas. I'm… pregnant? Is that the word?"

Sam snickered as Gabriel let out a full out brawny laugh and said, "Well, the fangirls call it m-preg but sure. You're pregnant."

Dean nodded toward Cas whose expression was unreadable and said again, "Yep. I'm pregnant. And you're gonna be a ….dad."

And instead of freaking out or getting unnaturally excited, all Castiel did was take the bag he had behind his back and place it into Dean's outstretched hands, giving a sheepish smile as the hunter pulled out a pink onsie in a flush of happiness and surprise and Castiel said, "It's a girl. And uh… I _know_."

* * *

**So, what say you guys? Too much, kinda sucky? **

**Cute?**

**Eve: O.o LOVE!**

**Dean:...yeah. Ok. Kinda cute.**

**Cas: It was perfect.**

**Sam: I'm awesome.**

**Gabe: So am I.**

**Me: Whatevs.**

**Review?**


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